a poem i like

"Elena" by Pat Mora
My Spanish isn't enough.I remember how I'd smile listening to my little ones,understanding every word they'd say,their jokes, their songs, their plots. Vamos a pedirle dulces a mama. Vamos.But that was in Mexico.Now my children go to American high schools.They speak English. At night they sit aroundthe kitchen table, laugh with one another.I stand by the stove and feel dumb, alone.I bought a book to learn English.My husband frowned, drank more beer.My oldest said, "Mama, he doesn't want youto be smarter than he is." I'm forty,embarassed at mispronouncing words,embarassed at the laughter of my children,the grocer, the mailman. Sometimes I takemy English book and lock myself in the bathroom,say the thick words softly,for if I stop trying, I will be deafwhen my children need my help.

hahaha what i foud

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TiJNewpCnY&feature=player_embedded

my odd dream

I have been having random ass dream and this time I actually remember one. I killed some girl I didnt know in one of my dreams. Because I wanted to know the meaning of my dream I went on google and looked it up. To my surprise what I found out seems semi true. On some website it said "If you dreamed of killing someone, whether intentionally or by accident, it signifies a period of severe emotional stress during which you must make a heroic effort to control your temper. " I have been going through so much stress trying to make a decision about where to transfer. I've been so moody, mostly sad. I still am reluctant to do my intent to register because I don't feel in my heart that i'm going to be happy at Berkeley. If I don't go I might regret it for the rest of my life. I give up so easily. I gave up on dancing lessons. I gave up in two of my classes and this is something much more serious. I wish someone can tell me my future but too bad that's not possible. So I must overcome my fucking fears and do what i soooooooo dont want to.

mis sentimientos

hmmm no he escribido en espanol en mucho tiempo. Creo que soy una persona muy estudupida a veces. Se que no deberia hacer muchas cosas que hago pero de mensa voy y todavia lo sigo haciendo.

people come and go

I met the guy of my dreams.. He was kind, smart, and cared about me soo much. Wen we first met there was no spark and I actually thought he was a jerk. Then the second time we hung out everything changed, we clicked. We spent a lot of time together after that , and he has been the only guy that was completely accepting of me. As time passed my feelings towards him stopped, I still cared for him but I didn't like him more than a friend. I couldnt force myself to like him, so i had to b honest with him. After all this shit happened we were friends for a while but that has changed and he no longer is in my life. I miss him, but i must accept his decision to not be a part of my life anymore...

mistakes

I think wat i do best are mistakes. The older I am getting the more mistakes I am making. I've made mistakes that not only hurt me as an individual but those who don't deserve the pain that led to my selfish actions. I know we are human and its only normal to make mistakes, that though shouldnt be what people should live by. We are human and we should try to avoid mistakes. The reason why I am starting to think about the sucky person i am at times is because someone unexpectedly apologized to me, and i didnt deserve this apology. He brought up the past that I am ashamed of. I regret soo many things ive done in the past few years and now it is time for me to grow up.

vagina

Being a girl often sucks. Okay first of all having a fucking period sucks! Especially for those girls that seriously go through pain with those killer cramps. Also we have to worry about not getting pregnant! We are expected to be hairless, and wen someone sees a girl with hairy legs or anything OMG she's considered "disgusting." If a girl likes to fuck around a lot she's a often times called a major slut. We are "oh way to emotional and sensative" though its only freaking normal to express urself. But even with this i still LOVE being a girl =]

am i crazy?

so today one of my closest friends invites me to have lunch with her. I'm thinking its just going to be a typical lunch in which we chit chat and gossip but today part of of the conversation was about my crazyness. She believes that i was known as "the crazy girl" in high school and even now she gets asked "r u still friends with that crazy girl?" I'm thinking wtf, people really have this point of view about me. Wow, am i really that odd that people consider me "crazy". I dont know why this is bugging me so much. It might be that in my opinion the word crazy is negative so how can i not be bothered by this. Yes, sometimes my actions are sorta weird but calling someone crazy is mean =/. Maybe people have this view of me because i'm loud, random,outspoken, but if they did they wouldnt be calling me loca de la cabeza.. I'm not going to change because of this, but i needed to let this out.

no more lists

So i've been wanting to drink for a while now, but I haven't. Lately I feel empty though i'm unsure why. My life consists of school, work, family and friends, and i couldnt ask for more. There is something inside me that keeps me from loving my life. I have always been a negative person and it has become a major problem in my life. There are happy memorable moments that I cherish but on a day to day basis i'm discontent. I was worse before, I use to cry sooo much but that at least has changed. i dont know why im writing this. im just gonna stop.

what i wat in a partner =]:

So today in my sociology class we were asked to make a list with all the things we are looking for in a mate so this is what i came up wit
1. Responsible
2. caring, sweet, and understanding
3. funny
4. outgoing
5. smart
6. honest
7. Hard working/not lazy!
8. doesn't runaway wen i have emotional break downs =]
9. isnt flaky
10. respectful and mature

2009 has sucked so far

shit that has pissed me off:
1. my math class was ridiculous so i dropped it
2. cuz of this im not a full time student so i dont have insurance
3. my car gets fucking scratched and "decorated" with peanut butter, syrup and, flour by an immature ASSHOLE out there
4. my art history class is a pain in the ass

BUT
ill b okay =]

movies i watched this weekend

they all were okay =]
not like omg, i loved these movies, but they were average

MIERDA (means shit in spanish)

i am so fucking upset right now!

women i find beautiful

Another Long List:

this really kills time =]
words that describe me:
1. Talkative
2. loud
3. outgoing
4. sarcastic
5. petite
6. dramatic
7. crazy
8. pessemistic
9. blunt
10. fun
11. hardworking
12. romantic
13. affectionate
14. eccentric
15. silly
16. funny
i cant think of anymore. =]

a LONG list:

I like:
1. to laugh
2. to dance
3. to talk
5. scrabble
6. carrot cake
7. sunflowers
5. art museums
6. having nice eyebrows
8. pinapple juice
9. music in spanish
10. orgasms
11. cute black boots
12. trees
13. taking walks
14. crema coffeeshop
15. kisses
16. chocolate including chocolate cake
17. getting flowers
18. scarfs
19. flashcards
20. cuddling
thats my list =]

if i could pick three talents...

So the other day I randomly asked my cousin, well she's like my aunt or something, but shes related to me, if she could pick three talents what would they be?.. I could only think of two when we were talking about this but today i thought about the third one. So the talents i would chose are : 1. excellent reading comprehension, 2. awesome cooking skills, and 3. creativity. The first talent would help me with my school work cuz i typically have to read, then re read, and read again. The second talent would help me in my daily life, since i hope to move to sf when i transfer, but i dont have my hopes up, i need to freaking learn how to cook. I mean i can make simple shit like quesadillas, but ask me to fry something or make any sort of meal involving meat, im like huh? The last talent is something i currently lack. I appreciate art, I love art history, but i cant create it, its not my passion.
changing the topic, to something more interesting, I am currently obsess with Scrabble. I think I like it because it kills time, and I win sometimes. Well there is some old lady that goes to the coffeeshop i typically go to who my cousin says reminds her of me, since she plays scrabble at the coffee shop... so hmm i guess im not gonna b a cat lady but a scrabble one =[

First Week of Escuela

So another quarter started, this is like my 295702676 quarter, more like my hmm.. i lost track lol. But thats besides the point, this quarter seems doable but not that interesting. I decided to take sociology of families, marriage and intimate relationships, because sociology is my major so i thought it would be beneficial if i took it. I am also taking a lame finite math class, what the fuck is finite math? cuz i dont know, nor has the teacher explained what it is. He has spend four days explanining shit that i honestly dont find important. Arts of Asia seems cool, well i dont like the textbook, but the teacher is caring and helpful. I dont know anything about Asia really, nothing about the religions practiced there, nor any important history, so this class is going to open my damn ignorant eyes.
Today in my sociology class, my teacher went over some myths about the family but some how our class discussion ended up being about when do you know you should have sex? Hmmm. I think it's different for everyone. Some people are comfortable having sex for fun, others think it should be more meaningful than just having a good time. I have chosen not to have sex because there has not been a person in which I felt worth doing that with. I have had plenty of chances, but i always say "no!", and i am going to keep saying no until I find the right person, as cliche as that sounds. Who know when the heck I am going to meet a good guy who is caring, honest, and loves me even with my long list of flaws, but I dont mind waiting. =]